SPIRITUALITY RENDERING MY FEELINGS OPAQUE
I cannot manifest, pray nor positive think my way out of adversity. Sometimes, I need to sit with the feeling of impending doom; I need to allow myself to feel like shit because I do in fact feel like actual shit. I find myself feeding on the “preachy affirmational” side of social media, where people talk about reprograming your mind, trusting the universe, and thinking high vibrationally to commence a new resolution. I tried that friend, and it turns out my emotions were becoming opaque with false dilemmas; I wasn’t seeing the full, nuanced range of options, feelings and thoughts. I forget that confidence and insecurity can coexist just like practicality and rationality. How I approach difficult situations, reminds me of my elders who used prayer as a problem-solving tool for everything—what remains unsaid, manifests through projection. And frankly, I must stop relying solely on crystals, readings, and the stars to give me the answers and redirect that faith and trust to myself. I am a spiritualist, but I am also human. In this life, I have a dual purpose to trust my abilities and decisions, while simultaneously believing the omens I see are here to guide me on my journey. I’m a multifaceted, complex individual, and it serves right to lean into negative emotions and accept these experiences using mindfulness and self-compassion. I need to stop dismissing my heavy and valid feelings—instead, learn to level with myself and allow my personality to guide my mindset in approaching coping strategies on what works best for me.
I love that you shared this. I’ve experienced similar revelations and I do think sometimes the ways that we can engage with spirituality is like this beautiful well packaged form of escapism but it doesn’t always leave room for the full human experience. I hope you can gain some color as you allow yourself to feel bliss which I believe is any emotion fully expressed whether it’s “good” or “bad.”
I Love this post! Some times we are too woo woo and we forget that we are in this body, and this body is a vehicle that can take us many places. It is a beautiful guide but only if we allow it to speak. When we spiritually bypass we miss the opportunity for our body to offer us complete alignment and release.